Mon. 29 May - A Forest [Cure]

Due to the increasing success of my stories and by popular request (a whole two!), here comes the very first entry in English, sign that I may after all start to somehow blend into the cultural/linguistic landscape. So I'll continue my trip through the various facets of my vision of this country after 3 months being here. Ce qui est cool, c'est que je peux toujours passer au français pour disséminer quelques sarcasmes, ça me donne l'impression qu'ils resteront un peu privés, c'est pas plus mal pour la liberté de calomn... euh, d'expression. Today, georgaphics, an introduction to the second largest country in the world. Well, that's not that different from back home, I live in the 211th largest country in the world. The similarities don't end there, for one, Canada is as flat as Jane Birkin and as Flanders. I'm sure cycling is a very convenient way to travel here. Except that at the very instant I jump on a bike, flatness somehow vanishes and I am all panting and breathless in less than five minutes. L'autre jour, on est partis dans un bled perdu pour faire du mountain bike. Dans la voiture, on ricanait pas mal devant tout ce plat pays qui nous rappelait les reliefs de Middelkerke, puis tout à coup, tout autour du loueur de vélos, c'était le mur de Huy (en plus petit) et j'étais mort-fait en 5 minutes!
In Canada, there's one single direction: North. Everything seems to happen North: skiing, camping, biking, sailing, bear-touring, Hudson Bay, beaches, natural parks, 4x4-ing, skidooing, wildlife, unexplored country, primary forest, oil sands, goldrush, the great outdoor, canoeing, you name it. Well, except a bunch of irréductibles Gaulois qui résistent toujours et encore à l'envahisseur anglo-saxon, East; higher, greater, better skiing, West; et les fous dangereux, South.

Soit les Canadiens ne connaissent pas les «3 petits cochons», soit il n'y a pas de grand méchant loup par ici; toujours est-il qu'ils construisent toutes leurs maisons en bois. Impensable en Belgique! About building houses, it seems that the smaller unit of construction is the Village, most as was the case in the 70's in eastern Europe and Russia, or in the 90's in SimCity: one day, the mayor declares "Those fields be residential area!" and the next thing you know, 1,200 new wooden houses, all identical two-stories, four-windows, small neat lawn-and-flowers frontyard are sitting there, open for human colonization. Now comes the heart of the village, that crowdy, animated, living, swarming, never-sleeping place, the home to the spirit of the Village: the Shopping Mall! Such prestigious names as Tim Horton's (café to-go), Mac Donalds [with Drive thru™] (burgers to-go), Wendy's (carton-pâte to-go), Blockbusters (DVD to-go), CIBC drive-in (money to-go, sisi je vous assure, des MisterCash où qu'on doit pas sortir de sa voiture pour ramasser le magot, j'vous jure!), Petro-Canada (comme le Burger King, mais une autre fraction de la colonne de distillation, to-go), Home Depot (tout le reste), Ikea (pour ranger ce qu'on a acheté dans tous les autres). And voilà! a new village is born. Oops, sorry, forgot to mention the Church. The Catholic Church. And the Anglican Church. And the Ukrainian Baptist Church. And the Lithuanian Evangeslist Church. And the Judean People's Front Revival Church. Not to forget some Mosques, Temples, Synagogues and the Irish Pub.



Toronto is a pure-style Northern American city: grid pattern, compact financial district, wide streets, lots of cars everywhere. In a way, there are really two cities: on the lake shore, there's a lovely cité balnéaire, pier, quays, big towering condos with view on the lake, sails, recreation centre, promenade des Anglais, very nice. Then, again, everything goes North: an ugly urban twin highway + parking lots everywhere (right under my window, mmmmh I'm lovin' it!™), next financial skyscrapers (forming the famous Toronto skyline, nice looking), next some more city plus shopping centre (Eaton, where I work), next the northmost part of the city is Bloor street, with Bloor and Yonge being shopping area for lazy people: you spend there (Gucci, Prada, Dolce & Gabana, Dior,...) on one single item much more than what would otherwise take you the whole day and lots more weight to carry in an ordinary shopping session.
Then, to the West is High Park and the Humber river, an amazing green and peaceful and quiet area right in the center (well, not quite, in fact, a little West as I just said...) of the city. Very beautiful. Then I think there's a little more to the city that I don't know probably.
I've heard that up North, between Bloor and the polar circle, far away in the wild, stands Eglington and then Finch and then even some more, I just learned today. That's probably right next to Barrie or Ottawa. I think some of my teammates actually live there, with mooses and polar bears in their garden probably. I suppose it's midnight sun and all, up there, I must manage to get invited there once for the unique experience.